Monday, November 22, 2010

Body Image and Sex

Whether you are a BBW or an average woman, body image plays a huge role in how we view ourselves sexually.  If you are a woman who is confident in your skin, find yourself to be beautiful and sexy, then you will be more comfortable in the bedroom.  This is not a new truth.  Cosmo and Redbook and every other publication has written hundreds of articles on this very topic. 

So what is it about this very, seemingly, simple concept that keeps writers writing and women flocking to read the articles?  What is it about this topic that has you here today?  I'm sure, like almost every person in America, what you're looking for is the answer to one solitary question.  "How?"  How do you accomplish this very coveted phenomena of confidence and positive body image?

I cannot give you a formula.  I can give you what has worked for me.  I don't think that I came by this accomplishment in an easy way or in a way that I can recommend, because we all know that things don't always work out the way we feel like they should.  So what worked for me?

First of all, I fell in love and married a man who was in love with me and my body.  He has also been in love with my body even though it has grown in our, very nearly decade together.  He loves making me quiver and moan and scream even with ecstasy.  HALLELUJAH! Praise JESUS!  The world needs more men like him, who love their women for the woman they are, not by the pant size they wear! 

Secondly, I forcefully and deliberately eradicated every thought and image about traditional beauty out there.  It is one of the reasons (among many) that we don't watch pornography (not even BBW porn).  If I saw a commercial that talked about beauty and the only woman it showed was a blonde, athletic woman with a tiny waist and pert breasts, I changed the channel.  If I was interested in a magazine article and the only thing it talked about was being a size 2-6 to be appealing to men, I put it back on the rack.  I forced the "inferred truth" that women need to be 36-24-30 with a perfect DD cup to be beautiful OUT of my mind.

Third, I started focusing on the things about myself that I really loved.  I took a long, honest look in the mirror.  Not an easy task, let me tell you.  I focused on the things that I loved about myself.  My eyes, my lips, my breasts, my legs.... and I played them up. 

Fourth, I started working on the things that I didn't like.  Let's face it, it's not healthy to be overweight.  It's not healthy to be super skinny either.  I go to the gym (when my life as a mom and wife and employee don't get in the way).  I try not to eat foods that are not good for me.  I try to eat as cleanly as possible and drink water like I'm planning a trip to the Sahara. 

Oh, and a little side note about going to the gym?  I focus a lot on 1. Flattening my tummy and 2. FLEXIBILITY!  Whoo!  I can keep my legs up a lot longer than I used to and exercise increases libido!
As I said, we've all seen some of these suggestions in magazine articles.  Maybe today is the day you needed to read it. 

Regarding my "First of all" about marrying a man who loves to make me squeal?  It doesn't mean that you should depend on your lover to make you feel confident, because mine doesn't, but after almost 10 years of hearing him tell me that I'm the sexiest woman ever, I finally started taking it to heart.  So, he's not the reason I am confident, but he helped me on that journey. 

Or, if you don't have this kind of man (or woman) in your life, learn to make yourself squeal.  Take a journey to discover your g-spot, buy a new vibrator, or whatever else you've been curious about and learn your body sexually.  It will give you confidence and put you in charge of your own bliss!  You don't have to be small to learn to give yourself an orgasm!  Please... give yourself multiple!

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