Monday, April 9, 2012

Vagina Worship

Worship the Vagina. Really, go do it. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting you build a shrine to the almighty vagina and spend time lighting incense and paying homage to this beautiful organ. Well, I mean, if you want to, sure, go ahead. You won't be the first and you won't be the last. But that's not quite what I mean here.

Every vagina should be worshiped. Seriously. Every. Vagina. Whether you worship your own vagina, worship a vagina, or even better--have someone worship yours, it's worthy of praise. 

One night as Mr and I were engaging in some sexy time in bed, he positioned himself to go down on me. As I opened before him, the sight, smell, and taste of my vagina was arousing him, he groaned. He loves my vagina. He thinks it's the most miraculous, beautiful thing that has ever been created. Now, this is not a new activity for us, but I was really attuned to his reaction to me. It was just as arousing for me to recognize how much he loved my vagina as it was for him to be there to pleasure me. I'm lucky, I have a partner who loves pleasuring me, just for the sake of pleasuring me... more than he wants pleasure himself.  There is rarely an experience where I'm not his focus. Even when I'm making him my focus, I'm still his. This is after ten years! I'm not lucky, I'm blessed!

It was the inspiration to write this post, really. I wanted to share that, in terms of who you choose to be intimate with, it should be someone who just loves your body. Whether it's for that moment, that day, that month, that year, or for a lifetime--shouldn't the lover you take think that your body is just incomprehensibly amazing?!

If you don't have a lover, worship your own vagina! Spend time with it. Explore what you like. Try new things. Try new toys, and lubes, and textures. If you don't have a vagina (or simply don't identify with it), but enjoy sex with women, consider the beauty of the vagina for just a brief moment. There are so many ways to bring pleasure to a woman via her vagina. The clitoris, the hood, the labia, the G-Spot, the A-Spot, the... the... the...

Don't worry about what your vagina looks like. Every vagina is different. Some women have large labia (majora or minora). Some women have a clitoris that is very large, and some women have a clitoris that hides under the hood. Don't look to pornography to tell you what your vagina (or your lover's vagina) should look like, please. This is akin to looking at fashion magazines to tell you what you should look like. It's unrealistic and detrimental to your psyche. I think what can be said about body image can easily be translated to your genitals, if you love them, others will love them too.

I was out with some friends recently and dating, lovers, sex... all of that came up in conversation. One said to me, quite enthusiastically I might add, "I don't want a girlfriend who only wants my vagina. I want a girlfriend who loves vagina. I want a girlfriend who looks at my body and loves all my parts!"

This is exactly true. Whether you're 120 pounds or 320 pounds, you should be with someone who loves your parts. Someone who wants to pleasure your parts. Someone who worships your vagina. I hope that anyone who's spending time in your garden, thinks it's amazing... if not, it's time to find a new gardener, if you get what I'm saying!

**Note to readers: I did not address the topic of those who do not wish to have their genitals touched because that is their preference. I would never suggest to someone that they engage in a sexual behavior that is undesirable to them. Same goes for those who are asexual and do not wish to engage in any sexual activity, regardless of their (or their partner's) gender and/or sex.**

Monday, January 30, 2012

Surviving a Near-Divorce

I mentioned in my post about my new goals for this blog that I was taking questions, and actually got one from a commenter that same night! I'm STOKED!

The question was: How did you survive a near divorce? Well, to make a long story short, communication.

Now, I'll elaborate. In this major low point of our marriage, there was no infidelity. I have been changing as an individual for the past couple of years. In a 8.5 year marriage, it's not unexpected for individuals to change; however, my husband felt, and still feels, that I changed very quickly. It felt like a slap in the face. Especially when so much of me was changing; and how I identified sexually was the biggest issue for him. (I'll save the explanation of my sexual orientation for another day, not that it needs to be addressed, unless inquiring minds want to know that badly!) The biggest issue, for me, was feeling like I wasn't being treated with respect.

There were huge fights. Threats of divorce. Threats of custody battles. Many threats. Many hurtful things were said. It came right down to the point where we both had to make the conscious choice to either stay and try as hard as we can to make it work, or cut our losses and start over. We decided to fight. Whether we chose it because we didn't want to lose each other, or whether we wanted to do this for the sake of our children, none of that mattered. Whatever our individual reasons were, we chose to try and make it work. (Bah! For the sake of full-disclosure, I'll admit that I chose mostly because I love him.)

That was the turning point. The choice. Making the decision to stay and fight allowed us to lower our defenses and actually communicate for the first time in months. Now that we knew that both of us were going to try and make this work, sharing our feelings and fears openly was less scary. We knew that the other was still going to be there even when all the issues were on the table.

You may be wondering why "we saw a counselor" isn't part of the scenario. (Since I want to be a therapist, I will say that you should be wondering that. Counseling is a huge piece of the puzzle for making a marriage in distress work.) The simple answer is that we did see a counselor, a few years ago, for other issues. We knew how to communicate. We knew the tools. It was simply a matter of being rededicated to making it work in order for us to access those tools. We did, also, see a counselor this time as well. Once. Finances kept us from returning, but even the first (and only) session helped us map out the issues we needed to address, and that was huge for us.

So, now... How do you survive a near divorce? Choice, Counseling, and Communication. Hm, the 3-Cs of repairing a marriage? Should I patent that?

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Sexuality in General

The inspiration for this post is from a facebook status I read last night.

Why are we so afraid of sexuality? Not sexual orientation (though I don't understand that either), but sexuality in and of itself. Basically, I just want to know why it is that most people enjoy and love sex, but are afraid to talk about it, admit we enjoy it, admit we use vibrators and dildos, or that some of us enjoy a kinkier flavor of sex? I guess what I fail to understand is how, as a society, we call for the breakdown of conservative thinking, but still feel like sex is taboo?

Personally, I feel like it is something that has been ingrained from older, more traditional generations. But here's the catch, if we're trying to break away from that, isn't it our responsibility to break down those barriers? We  can't expect to raise up a generation that is free from the bondage (*snort* I don't mean that kind of bondage!) of the traditional mindset if we don't do it ourselves. I'm not suggesting that everyone disregard their filter. Goodness knows, a modicum of modesty is still appreciated by me. I simply don't see the point in slut-shaming your neighbor because you found out she likes to get a little freaky!

So, tell me what you think!